Mmm.
Mmm.
How'd you like that then, Joe?
Well, whenever I see it on the playlist, I always think it's going to be orange juice with rip it up.
Oh, yeah.
And then I'm a tiny bit disappointed, to be honest.
It's good, though, isn't it?
It's very good.
Razor light, yeah.
Razor light.
And before that, you heard, uh, ashes by Embrace.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Go on.
Monkey.
Just thought we'd do some monkey noises.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM.
We're here with you for the next hour and 50 minutes.
We've got all sorts of amazing things coming up.
To be perfectly honest, like the rest of the world, we're not really ready.
Well, I'm semi-ready.
We need another week.
Yeah, because, you know, that's the thing about holidays is you tend to take a holiday.
Well, Christmas holidays are too short.
Yeah, they are.
That's a nationally known fact, isn't it?
Well, I mean, everyone went back to work this week.
Did you do lots of work this week, Joe, or did you just hang out?
Not really.
I sort of pushed it for an extra week.
So did I, yeah.
Another week of excess.
Oh, you know, I think this would shave a little off summer and pop it onto Christmas.
That's not a bad idea, especially this year when it all fell on the weekends and everything.
It was a bit of a jiff all round.
Or there needs to be some sort of intermediary stage between complete leisure and work.
Yeah.
Just a faffing week or just a two day week?
Yeah or half days.
Because there's a build up to Christmas isn't there?
Where everyone sort of starts gradually getting lazier and lazier and lazier as Christmas approaches but there's no sort of wind up to working again.
yeah exactly you just have to go in literally cold turkey yeah i don't know what i'm talking about and did you watch a lot of tv i did watch a lot of tv thumbs down generally wouldn't you say over the christmas period yeah there wasn't a lot on was there pretty bad yeah i mean channel four especially scraping the barrel yeah well your thing i mean i don't know my thing that was a disgrace grace and chewy car
Does he need more work?
Did you see the big fat quiz of the year?
I did.
Whoa.
What was going on there?
Well listen, before we go into any depth about this, we should say to the listeners that you can call, no you don't want to call us really until we have a competition, but you can text on 83XFM.
You can email adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
And just to keep you listening, in case rock fans are tuning out on account of all the talking, you might be able to win tickets to the premiere of A Very Long Engagement on Monday, the new je n'ai film.
I didn't know how to say his name, but he's the Frenchman who did Amélie.
And we've also got a super sort of board game to give away.
What else have we got?
Some CDs and stuff.
We'll have Digits in the Dock later.
We're going to have a retro competition.
We're going to have celebrity... celebrity regression therapy.
Yeah, that was retired a few months ago, but we're bringing back.
You know, it's the new year ringing the old and everything.
Yeah, exactly.
Stick with what you know works, celebrity Big Brother style, that kind of thing, you know.
Don't take any chances in the first one.
Tom Jolly style.
Oh yeah, well we can talk about that later.
Right now, here's Blur.
Oh dear, I think my little belch might have punched through that track.
Did it?
And been audible.
Did you hear that?
No, I didn't hear any belching.
Probably sounded like just a rock rumble.
Heard you rustling your newspaper.
Yeah.
But it was nice, it was the kind of thing that you might have added in if you were a crafty producer.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give it that sort of pipe and slippers atmosphere.
Absolutely.
We're Adam and Joe on XFM.
I'm Joe.
You can tell my voice because it sounds like this.
I'm Adam.
You can tell my voice because it sounds like this.
Very, very familiar.
So did you see all, I mean, this Christmas was really the top 50 Christmas on television, or top 100.
But basically for
Are you happy?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I was just reacting physically to the idea of it being yet another top... I mean, I thought they abandoned that idea years ago of doing Top 10s and Top 50s and things.
We certainly got that memo at one stage, didn't we?
No more Top 10s for Channel 4.
Or was that No More I Love Those?
I don't know, well they, what they said was that one stage Channel 4 did a lot of top 10 shows, just 10.
Yeah.
And they were quite good.
Bill Bailey, I remember hosting one.
Yeah, but it went on for years until it, until they got incredibly tedious.
So I think the theory was, well get rid of the top 10s, and everyone assumed that meant getting rid of list shows wrong, they were just getting rid of the number 10 and making the lists much longer and the clips much shorter and more insubstantial.
yeah it's yeah it's true isn't it and host and getting Jimmy Carr of course they wouldn't as soon as they found Jimmy now we should say first up that we're both very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man, very talented man
So, speaking of that, the Big Fat Quiz of the Year, listeners, I wonder if anyone else saw the Big Fat Quiz of the Year, hosted by Jimmy Carr.
That was a car crash.
It was quite heavily trailed, and it was a really, really odd program, wasn't it?
It was produced by Jonathan Ross's production company, Hot Sauce, who did our Tokyo show.
And Jonathan, he wasn't hosting it, he was on the panel.
And the other people on the panel, basically, were people who hang out at Jonathan's house.
So I envisaged, come on, guys, I've got this great idea for a show.
Come on, Simon, come on, do it.
Jimmy, come on, you've got to do it, you can host it.
I'll be on the panel, it'll be fine.
Who else was on it?
A couple of ladies.
Simon Pegg.
Simon Pegg.
Oh, David Walliams, obviously.
Walliams and... Everybody who plays tennis with Jonathan.
All Jonathan's mates.
But there was one big problem with the format.
Well, it was like a pub quiz, wasn't it?
They weren't allowed to answer the questions.
Who thought of that?
What's the point in having a television quiz where when you ask the question, everyone just bows down and scribbles on a piece of paper.
And then they're all so competitive, they didn't do any banter about what the answers was for fear of giving...
of what the answers were, sorry, for fear of giving anything away.
So it was a very, very odd program with just long silences.
It was supposed to be a pub quiz, wasn't it?
Yeah, but without the things that make a pub quiz good.
Without the booze and the fags in the pub.
Yeah.
Not that fags are good, obviously.
Yeah, fags are bad.
But it was really odd.
It was very airless, wasn't it?
Well, actually, it was stuffed full of air.
There was just huge, great long courses, as you say, where the audience seemed to have completely nodded off.
Yeah, and you know, we're both guilty of our fair share of going on programs that we really shouldn't be on.
I really shouldn't have done head jam.
That quiz show I did.
Are you coming out of that head jam now?
Yeah, I shouldn't have.
I mean, it paid for my roof and I did enjoy doing it, but in the long term I don't think it did much for my, you know, image, what there is of an image.
It didn't do you any harm.
I thought you were very good on the head jam.
I thought I basically looked really salty on head jam quite a lot, but basically everybody on the Big Fat Quiz of the year looked really angry.
Right.
And David Walliams looked almost as if he was going to have some sort of a temper fit.
Because he can get very moody.
He snapped at me on occasion.
I can say this with impunity, because he's in Thailand at the moment, I think.
You've finished your documentary now.
Yeah, I've finished my documentary.
So he can have a very black mood today with Williams, and it looked as if he was going to have one.
live on that show, or whatever, pre-recorded on that show.
It looked like he was going to say the C-word point blank at his fellow competitors with no humor.
Jonathan's merciless with him, though.
He ribs him mercilessly.
Well, Jonathan was desperately trying to poke life into his big teleconcept, wasn't he?
Wow, this is kind of like an amazing celebrity bitch-fest right now, isn't it?
That's all we're good at these days.
Slagging off people who are more successful than ourselves.
Yeah, hooray!
Here's Edmond the Antz.
It's finished.
Wind it up, lads.
Wind it up.
Get out!
Does that not remind you a little bit of the Wumbles theme?
They should cover that.
Yeah.
Ah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?
Underground, overground, out of my mind, I'm wandering around.
Yeah, the second thoughts don't, they shouldn't cover it, don't cover it, don't cover it, don't cover it.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM, it's half past one.
What about composition?
Here's the news.
Shall we do a composition?
Oh, we don't have to.
Are you going to do a, are you going to do news?
No.
Are you, I'm just holding a piece of paper.
No, it's just half past one, that's what they usually say, and now news and travel.
But we don't have that sort of thing on this radio station, because we're too rock, and people who are into rock don't care about news or travel.
They just care about taking drugs and partying.
Make up some news and travel.
I can't right now, Adam.
I don't have a brain.
Did you get rid of it over Christmas?
Yeah.
OK.
Here's the news.
It's competition time.
That's good news.
And here's the travel news.
Sit down.
So it's competition time.
And it's going to be celebrity regression.
Are we going to do that right now?
Are we going to tease that?
Are we going to do it a bit later?
I think we should just do it right now.
Do it right now.
OK.
So the number is 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
The competition is celebrity regression.
I'm a trained therapist.
and I'm going to regress Adam hypnotically into a previous life in which he was a film star.
He's going to wake up.
When he wakes up, he'll be in that hypnotic state, living the life of the film star and vicariously experiencing some of his films.
You just have to listen to him in his trance state.
Tell us what the films are, who the star is.
Call 0871 222 1049.
Do your guess, and what do they win?
Oh, and you can win tickets to the premiere of the new film by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who made Alien Resurrection, and Amélie, and City of Lost Children, and it's a fantastic, you know, romantic war film, it's supposed to be terrific.
The premiere is tomorrow night, Monday the 10th of January, at 6.30 for 7, at the Odeon West End.
Er, so if you can make that, if you'd like to go and see that, then, er, call and try and get celebrity regression 08712221049.
Shall we begin?
Are you ready, Adam?
I'm ready.
If you're listening, just take a deep breath.
In through the nose, out through the mouth, I think is correct.
Everybody just relax.
And Adam, breathe deeply.
And I'm going to take you back.
I'm going to take you back to your tenth birthday.
Tenth birthday.
Now to your fifth birthday.
And now you're back in the womb.
And now you're a fetus.
And now you're swimming around in your father's testicles.
And now you are in a previous life.
I would like you to wake up and tell us what you see.
Grass.
It's some grass.
Dry grass.
It's hot.
Oh, it's so hot.
I'm standing on a patch of grass.
There's lots of men standing around with me.
Englishmen, Dutchmen, Australian, Japanese men.
Is this a gay porno film?
No, I don't think so.
They're all wearing clothes.
They're wearing kind of Gap-style khaki shorts.
I think maybe wear tourists.
Having fun on holiday.
Hang on.
Some of the Japanese men have grabbed one of the Englishmen and they're forcing him to his knees.
One of them's taken out a big sword!
Perhaps it's Dom Jolly doing one of his crazy pranks on some unsuspecting tourists.
No, it can't be.
The costumes and the acting are much too good.
Oh my god, they're gonna cut his head off!
I've gotta do something!
I know!
I'll use my special bendy powers and kiss one of the Japanese men on his mouth to fry his mind and cause a diversion!
Ooh, I'll go for that sexy one with the eyeliner.
Mmm!
Bendy!
Ooh, he tastes of synthesizer.
Okay.
Okay, I'm gonna regress you out of that film into a different film.
Wake up again and tell us what you see.
Oh, it's dark!
I can't see anything.
I can't see a thing, not a thing.
Why can't I see anything?
Ooh, perhaps it's because... Shall I say that again?
Perhaps it's because no one went to see this film.
No one.
Not a single person.
No one at all.
Not even me.
And I was in it.
I don't know anything about it.
Except the title.
Um, it's probably got Rosanna Arquette in it.
She'll do anything.
Um, and it's got something to do with pasta.
But that's it.
Sorry, I don't know.
That's not a very good regression.
Let's do one more.
Okay, I'm gonna take you further back or forward, I'm not sure.
And wake up, tell us what you see.
I'm in a wig.
What do you think of my wig?
Ooh, cotton balls, I like your face.
What do you think of my wig?
It's a wig.
I'm pretending to be somebody and I'm gay.
Did you realize that?
I'm in a street.
It's crazy.
It's a crazy street in a crazy, crazy town, dirty pants.
It's the town is full of crazy people.
Oh, that's why I love it.
Look at that lamp.
I hate it.
I hate the lamp.
Will you buy it for me?
Oh, I don't have any cash in my ass.
That dog took a poop.
It's so boring.
I'm gonna keep it in a box in my loft.
Oh, look at your boobs.
They're unusual.
Can I buy one of them?
Do you want to come to my opening?
Do you like my hands?
Oh, cotton balls.
Look at my wig.
It's white.
I'm pretending to be somebody.
Oh, look at that poop.
Put the poop in a box.
Okay, listeners.
0-8-7-1-triple-2-1-0-4-9.
0-8-7-1-triple-2-1-0-4-9.
Have you got more talking?
Nope.
Call that number if you can guess who Adam was being and what films the guy he was being was in.
Cotton balls.
0-8-7-1-triple-2-1-0-4-9.
They're so hot right now.
Oh, this fire.
They're on fire.
They're so hot right now.
Hang on, I'm regressed.
What am I talking about?
Oh, sorry.
This is Adam and John XFM.
You join us in the middle of celebrity regression.
Adam has been regressed into the mind and filmic history of a film stroke rock star.
Earlier in the program, he witnessed various moments from this star's films.
And we have a couple of callers on the line who believe they know who the star was and what the films were.
Danielle, are you there?
Hello, Danielle.
Hello.
Hello, Danielle.
If you could just keep your voice just relaxed and mellow, because if you disturb Adam during this regressed state, you could cause him long-term damage.
Yes.
See, he's very, very unstable.
Are you still with me, Danielle?
I am still here, yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
Now, Danielle, what I'd like you to do in a moment is say the name of the star who you think Adam was regressed into.
Say it loudly and clearly.
If you're correct, Adam will wake up.
If you're incorrect, he will stay in his regressed state.
Say the name now, please.
He's still regressed, Danielle.
It's not good news.
That wasn't the person he was being regressed into.
Why did you think it was Hoffman?
Um, we thought the pig was Tootsie.
The Tootsie wig, but he said it was a white wig, a spiky white wig.
Tootsie didn't have spiky white hair.
Danielle, that was a very good try.
Thank you so much for calling.
Thank you for listening.
Sorry we can't reward you with anything but our love.
Bye-bye.
Also on the line, hopefully getting it right is James.
Hello, James.
Hi guys, how you doing?
No, not at all.
David Bowie.
Now which films did you think it was, Dr. James?
First of all, it was Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.
Can I do a line from that?
Go on then.
What a funny face.
Beautiful eyes, no?
That's from that film, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a fantastic film.
Do it again over Christmas.
Wonderful.
What was the second film, James?
What was the film that I couldn't see?
There was darkness, Noah Troy.
James James hold your horse is not rubbish.
It's a genius film by the genius Julian temple plus.
That's not correct I was in fact thinking of a film that I haven't seen and I don't know anyone who has seen it It's called the Linguini and yeah, it was one of the first straight Digitally digital video films ever made was it really that's the only interesting thing about it.
I haven't seen Irish and
Not the Linguini incident.
If anyone's seen the Linguini incident, do feel free to get in touch.
Do you think it involves pasta?
I'm sure it must do.
Just a spillage of pasta?
Yeah, just eating Bowie shoveling Linguini into his anorak.
Well, I think pasta can get very slippery in a bowl, can't it?
Maybe he's serving it to his anorak.
It all gloops out of the bowl onto her lap.
Now that sounds foxy.
What about the third film, James?
Of course.
Exactly.
Well, that's pretty good, man.
You got two out of three and you got Bowie correct, so I think we can probably give that to you as Basquiat.
Bowie pretending to be Andy Warhol there, you see.
So James, are you interested in going to the premiere of A Very Long Engagement tomorrow night?
No, it's Monday night.
I'd like to give the tickets to a very friend who needs a bit of cheering up if possible.
Good move.
That's very nice.
Excellent.
Well, that's very charitable of you and I hope they have a fantastic time.
Oh, my God.
I've just seen Val Kilmer on the telly.
He's enormous.
What's he done?
He looks like someone's taking a bicycle pump to his face.
It's not Val Kilmer.
No, there he is.
Look.
Oh, yeah.
Don't tell people you're watching the telly.
It's very, very bad for our listening figures.
Listen, James, thanks very much for calling, and congratulations, Will.
I think we've got your number, so someone will call you back and arrange to collect those tickets.
That is celebrity regression.
And listen, are we going to try and make this appeal to our listeners?
Yeah, why not?
We're in a jam, listeners.
We need your help.
Every week on the show we do something called Dizzies in the Dock at the end of the show, where me and Adam fight for the song that we'll play the show out with.
This week, because Adam was away in the country, he texted me, I didn't get his text.
I emailed him, he didn't pick up my email.
We have not arranged Dizzies in the Dock.
So my suggestion was to make it bad 80s Bowie.
We would have a bad 80s Bowie playoff off.
So I bought in Underground, the theme from Labyrinth.
Nice.
Which I thought would beat any comers.
I'll tell you what I've got just in case we don't have any joy with this appeal.
I've got Susanna Hoffs from the Bangles singing Boys Keep Swinging, which is quite good.
What we wanted to ask you listeners is if any of you are in the West End or on your way into the West End near Leicester Square and you feel that you would help us by going into H&B or Virgin or a record shop and buying, what do you want Adam?
What would you put up against Underground?
Well I probably would put up Absolute Beginners having spoken about it to Dr. James there.
We need a copy of the song Absolute Beginners by David Bowie on CD and we need a listener to bring it to us here at XFM.
Just buy the soundtrack to the movie, find it in the movie soundtrack section.
Yeah, we'll pay you back, we've got the cash.
The XFM doors are in the corner of Leicester Square, and we'll bring you up to the studio, we'll pay you back, we'll give you some sort of a prize.
If you're listening maybe on your mobile phone or in your car, you're on the way to the West End or on the bus, you could do that for us, buy that record and bring it in.
Give us a call, 08712221049.
Call 08712221049 if you could help us out with that.
We will reward you amply.
Yeah, give us a call if you get lost and stuff and you need us to tell you exactly where to go.
But, uh, wow, wouldn't that be an amazing kind of interactive event if that really happened?
You know, somehow I don't think it's gonna happen.
Wow.
But just imagine if it did, you could get... It has to happen.
Come on, listeners!
It would be amazing, listeners.
We could win some kind of award for this, okay?
We'll sign your bum cheeks.
That's the case of Leon with the bucket.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Back refreshed, happy, circle, jaded and bored after Christmas.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me
Try again.
Isn't that it?
Now explain what the hell you're up to.
Well, Adam, that was my kind of bad impression of the Crazy Frog ringtone.
Do you know what I'm talking about if I talk about the Crazy Frog ringtone?
Yeah, it comes on, it used to come on like in daytime, a few months ago I caught it, it's a cartoon frog, he's pretending to be on a motorbike, and, uh, you can see his... I mean, the listeners will know what I'm talking about.
The Crazy Frog ringtone, and you're absolutely right, it used to be just on cable channels, didn't it?
One of those really long, boring adverts.
But now it's come on to terrestrial, and now I see full-page adverts in the papers for Crazy Frog.
And I just wondered, you know, why?
Where this has come from?
Because it's almost like the contemporary equivalent of sort of a gimmick record, isn't it?
But it's just something that's completely and utterly worthless.
It's a ringtone for your phone.
But it's obviously supported by this cartoon character, Frog, who looks a bit like something out of The Wind in the Willows.
He's got sort of aviator goggles on and a helmet other than that.
He's a naked frog.
He's got a missing tooth Yeah, but the genius of it is you can see his little william balls his frog nuts his little dangly frog nuts And you sort of first of all you think what is this and the second time you think?
Oh, it's a ringtone third time.
He is annoying fourth time.
I think I can see his little william balls And then you think did I really see his little william balls?
I'd better watch out for that!"
Then you start actually paying attention.
You think, no, I can clearly see his willy and balls.
Then you start talking to your friends.
Have you seen that frog?
And you can clearly see his willy and balls.
By that point, it's under your skin.
And so I'd just like to take this opportunity to doff my hat to the creators of The Crazy Frog.
And look at that, it says in the paper, get the most annoying sound.
So they're trumpeting the fact that it's annoying.
But they're almost like irritant scientists, irritists, who have actually explored and experimented to find the most irritating but yet compulsive combination of sounds and figures.
A frog, aviator goggles, a missing tooth, a bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah sound, and a little william balls.
But that's the genius, don't you think?
Absolutely.
I mean, I wonder if they came up with that first, if they thought, let's... I bet you... Sorry to interrupt you, but I bet you there's a story.
Yeah.
I bet you they'd drawn the frog, and some guy came in and went, that's pretty good, but watch this.
Little William Borse drew them in.
We'll never get away with that, what are you thinking?
And it turned out to be the absolute key feature.
Let's run it past the ITC.
The ITC have got back, they say the little froggy balls are fine.
Frog balls are fine.
Frog balls are okay.
It's like a Japanese children's animation.
I've got this fantastic Japanese, it's called pom poco or something, it's a Japanese cartoon with bears.
Their nuts are visible all the way through.
Well, it's just a fact of life, isn't it?
I mean, does Action Man have more defined scrotal zones now?
No.
He still doesn't?
No, Britain isn't keen on acknowledging the existence of genitals until you're over the age of 18.
Right.
Generally.
The thing that makes the froggy thing slightly upsetting for me is the sort of lascivious motion that he's engaged in as well.
He's revving up his bike!
He's not revving up a bike, he's getting ready to roger someone on his little path.
Hey, hey, hey!
Do you reckon?
I think so.
He looks like a dirty frog actually.
He's feeling fights with that tooth missing.
Do you download that sort of thing?
No.
You've got to have a phone with new real tones or something.
I'm nearly 40.
What the hell would I be doing?
You're not nearly 40.
I am practically 40.
I don't even know who Kenzie is.
I know who Kenzie is.
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Is that his ringtone?
Hello, that was Neil Young, with Needle In The Damage Done.
Now, earlier in the show, we asked our listeners, our faithful listeners, to help us out, because we're in a bit of a pickle with Dizzies In The Dock.
We didn't talk to each other in time, and I've got my record.
Adam didn't have his record.
He wanted to get a hold of Absolute Beginners by David Bowie.
So we requested our listeners out on the town to see if anyone could help us out by buying it and bringing it to the studio.
And we have a listener on the line, don't we, Adam?
I think we do.
I think he's in a major West End records shop, and I think his name is Cormac.
Yeah, that's me.
Hey, Cormac.
Am I pronouncing that correctly, or is it just Cormac or Cormac?
Cormac will do.
Cormac, so thanks very, very much for helping us out with this.
Can you tell us where you are?
I've just left the Virgin Megasaur, and I'm walking towards you now.
And have you acquired the record?
I have, yes.
I've got the full Bowie Singles collection on fire.
No, how much did that set you back?
It was 20 quid.
Ooh, have we got 20 quid?
Yeah, we can give you 20 quid.
And Cormac, are you heading to the studio?
I am, I'm literally walking there now.
Do you know where to come?
What made you buy the Bowie singles collection and not the soundtrack to Absolute Beginners?
Didn't have the soundtrack to Absolute Beginners.
They had like 15 different Bowie CDs but not the soundtrack to Absolute Beginners.
What kind of record store is that?
That's one of the essential soundtracks of all time.
I was impressed by their range.
I mean, well, you know, even Homer Nodd.
Have you seen Absolute Beginners, Cormac?
Unfortunately not, but I remember the video very well.
But listen Cormac, you're heading into the studio.
We can ask you all of this in high fidelity sound when you get in.
But we're both very very grateful for you helping us out and did it in the dock.
It's going to work this week.
What if that one doesn't win though?
You've wasted your time.
No because Cormac will be walking away with the singles collection and 20 quid.
And he will be on the radio.
Oh it's so exciting for Cormac.
OK Cormac, don't get mugged.
What?
He's been mugged.
He's been mugged.
He's been stabbed.
Oh, dear.
He's been stabbed in Leicester Square.
So, we'll see him later, hopefully.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
I gotta live my own.
And before that you heard Wires by Athlete.
And now we've got our gopher this week, our friendly gopher.
Macaroon Cormac Cormac as in Cormac McCarthy Cormac all the pretty horses.
He sounds very much when we were speaking to him on the phone earlier He sounded exactly like Jim will fix it from ash.
What's his name the lead singer Tim Wheeler Tim Wheeler.
Yeah, maybe he is Tim Wow, well, we're very very grateful to Cormac He's on his way up bringing us the CD that's gonna saved it is in the doc this week but before that I'd just like to talk about my New Year's Eve and
Oh, yeah, what did you do?
Well, I went to a friend's house, you know, just to have some drinks, not many of us there, like six or seven of us there.
And, you know, New Year's Eve is always tricky, isn't it?
Because you're kind of exhausted, and you've run out of, you know, fun stuff like that.
Yeah.
So
So I thought I'd lift things up by buying a game that I saw advertised on telly.
It was called Screen Test and it looked really good advertised on telly.
It had all these good looking people crowded around the television asking, answering questions about movies that were being presented to them on a DVD.
So it's a DVD TV game.
So it's a movie quiz, perfect for me, I'm a big movie fan and for you.
You know, and all the families sit around New Year's Eve, pop in the DVD, it shows you clips from films, asks you questions, and you have a great time replying to them.
And so I went to Hamleys and I thought to myself, well there's probably three or four different games like this, and it's important that I get one at the correct difficulty level.
You know, not a super easy one with questions like who's the villain in Star Wars, that'd be too easy.
But at the same time, not a really, really difficult one with lots of questions about black and white films.
Because me and my friends were sort of movie buffs, but we're sort of not that big in terms of knowledge.
So anyway, I buy this game, £21.99, Adam.
That's not given away.
Not given away.
I gather everybody around on New Year's Eve, we sit around the telly, we construct the board,
And was everyone up for this?
We were all really excited about this game.
Oh, what a great idea, Joe.
You're always first with the modern games.
Oh, modern games Cornish.
Yeah.
And so, plus we all fancy ourselves as movie buffs, so we start rolling the dice and answering the questions.
So what I've done, just to communicate the quality of this game, and as a warning to anybody else who might buy it, is I've recorded some of the questions, and I'd like to play some small segments of this game now with Adam.
So if you consider yourself a movie buff,
And you like family fun, this is a trap that you might be in danger of falling into if you buy this game.
So let's check out this first question.
Okay, here we go.
Marines call it Joe.
Yazzie is trying to get to know Joe, unsuccessfully.
What happens next?
Right, so I should tell you that that's the question, and there's a little clip of a war film with Nicolas Cage in it, so you've got a clip of a film with Nicolas Cage wearing a military helmet, and it's quite a close up, you can't really see anything else.
Marines call a chow, I think he said at the beginning.
Yeah.
So we established, someone has said wind talkers, it's wind talkers, so we established it was wind talkers.
Right.
Yahtzee is trying to get to know Joe.
Haven't seen wind talkers.
No, but no, no, neither have I.
And I don't think many people have.
So this was a shaky start to the quiz.
We thought, ooh, we've accidentally pressed, you know, we've just got a tricky one.
Let's stay confident.
So we thought, well, at least it's probably something quite memorable would happen.
So just have a guess.
What happened next?
Yahtzee gets shot in the head.
Shot in the head.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
Play the answer.
OK.
Yahtzee knocks over Joe's coffee.
We thought, what?
We were starting to get a bit worried.
We thought, that's absolutely fine.
Move on to the next question.
Throw the dice.
Fine, stay confident.
Let's have the next question.
What happens next in this scene from The Amityville Horror?
Oh, now that's better, isn't it?
That's a famous film, The Amityville Horror.
Right, so what was the clip?
So the clip was just an old woman, not one of the main cast from The Amityville Horror, not someone I recognise, not Margo Kidder or Beardyman or whoever else is in it, but a sort of old woman.
It's a close-up shot, you can't really see where she is, she's clearly in a room, and she's bent forward.
That's it.
That's all you've got to go on.
What happens next?
She straightens up,
I'm trying to get into the swing of things.
You are slightly, yeah, that's closer.
But you'd have thought like, oh, evil flies gush out of the chimney.
Yeah.
Or the wall starts to cry blood.
That's right.
Something guessable.
Your guess is she leans forward.
She straightens up.
Let's hear the answer to that one.
Neighbours blow on the desk.
I love the music.
The papers blow on the desk music.
The paper's off in a wing.
The paper's off in a wing.
The desk is on fire.
No, it's not.
You've seen the Amityville Horror, haven't you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you remember that moment?
The paper's blowing scene?
Yeah.
That was in Channel 4's Top 100 Great Movie Moments.
Shall we do one more?
OK.
So we thought, what is this game?
Maybe we've just randomly accidentally chosen two very difficult questions.
Let's have another go.
So we threw the dice again, and this is what we got.
finish this line from trials play and Maggie Chucky wants to
OK, so now we were feeling good at that point.
We thought, that's an easy one.
Child to play.
That's a famous line.
Chucky wants to play.
To play, yeah.
And he's just going to end up stabbing him or something.
So we were confident.
Right.
The game board, because we're still on the start square at this point.
And I must tell you, there's 27 squares to get round.
And the maximum you can move if you get one right is three spaces.
And it's 10.
And we want to be on Primrose Hill at the stroke of midnight.
It's not looking good.
OK, so we're hoping things are going to go faster now.
So let's hear the answer.
Chucky wants to watch the 9 o'clock news.
Watch the 9 o'clock news.
That's the MGM lion roaring at the end.
Wow, I've really got to make a point of A buying that game and B watching all the Child's Play films.
Well you know what, I want to give this game away now.
Maybe Cormac can walk away with it.
Well no I think we should do a phoner for it because I've got three, I've recorded three more questions and I just don't think anybody in the country can answer any of them.
Okay.
I genuinely think that this game is an insult to film lovers.
And I'm shocked that they let it leave the production line without actually trying to play it.
Well, let's do a test.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
If you want to play screen test right here.
If you want to win it.
And win the actual game as well.
We'll sign it.
Wow.
We'll sign it.
Make it worth less.
We'll walk away with it.
We'll walk back with you.
So get calling right now.
This is Edelman Joe on XFM.
Now here's Holger Chukai Kazuki.
What?
I don't know.
He was in Cannes.
and this is cool in the pool
Who was that scene in that song, Adam?
That song was sung by Block Party.
B-O-L-B-L-O-C Party.
That did a bloody good job.
Yeah, that was called So Here We Are.
So you know what?
I'm not the only person whose Christmas was ruined by ScreenTest, the interactive DVD game.
We've had a couple of texts.
I bought ScreenTest and it ruined my Christmas.
It's got nine hours left on eBay.
I've never heard of Porkchop Hill or the Mod Squad.
My sister forced me to play that game.
It was rubbish.
There we go.
So, but I'm trying to basically share my pain with you about this terrible game screen test.
And we're going to play it now live on the radio so that you can experience just how completely impossible it is.
So are we ready with the questions there, Adam?
Yeah, I feel like I should have some music like Michael Rodd style music.
Um, so, basically, I can guarantee that none of you callers, Adam, Jessica, Jason and Neil, who are holding on hopefully to play, no, you're just not gonna win.
I mean, this is the most impossibly stupid quiz game ever released.
But we'll give it a shot anyway, and if you do win, you will win the actual game.
Oh, well done.
They're late than never.
You're gonna have to take it off now, because you've got the callers.
Adam the caller, are you there, Adam the caller?
I'm there, I'm ready.
Hello, Adam, well done, are you poised?
I'm poised on the edge of my seat, I'm ready.
Are you a film buff?
Well, well, it doesn't sound like it matters for this game, really.
It doesn't, no.
You'd have to be the most... You'd basically have had to not left the house for hundreds of years and just watch the world's worst MGM films.
So here we go.
Here's your question, Adam.
Listen very carefully.
What happens next in this scene from American Ninja II?
OK, obviously that's quite an unfair question, but I'll describe what you see.
You see a motorboat, and you see the hero of American Ninja II, and he's fiddling with wires under the dashboard of the motorboat.
It's a very brief glimpse.
He's fiddling with the wires under the steering wheel of the motorboat.
So what happens next, do you think, Adam?
Anybody's guess.
A low-flying helicopter zooms very, very low.
And that's it, doesn't decapitate him catch 22 star or no?
No, I think him being a hero, it just might be a bit disappointing.
I think it's just going to go straight over, maybe some kind of heroic look up, I don't know.
So you think the answer is, a helicopter passes close by.
You think that's the kind of thing.
OK, well, let's hear what happens in American Ninja 2.
Well, no one could have seen that coming.
You see, Adam?
What a movie.
Do you remember the moment when Armstrong fixed the boat from American Ninja 2?
It's funny, because now that you've said it, of course, I do in fact remember the moment when Armstrong doesn't eat our... It's a classic moment.
Adam, thanks very much for your call.
Sorry you weren't victorious there.
Have we got someone else who wants to play?
We've got Jessica.
Jessica, are you there?
Hello.
Hello, Jessica.
Nice to speak to you.
Thanks for calling in.
Are you feeling confident?
I'm okay.
Let's give her a question then, Adam.
So listen carefully to this, Jessica.
In Making Mr. Right, Frankie puts on lipstick in her parked car.
What happens next?
Now, you know what?
I have seen Making Mr. Right with John Malkovich, isn't it?
Jessica, have you seen Making Mr. Right?
No.
Have you ever heard of it?
No, OK, well then, you're the perfect audience for Screenplace.
It's about... Malkovich is a robot, isn't he?
Yeah, he's the perfect man.
He's the robotic perfect man.
And he sort of snogs a lady.
So the lady's putting lipstick on in her car.
What happens next in this memorable moment from Making Mr Right?
Jessica, guess.
She slips and it goes all over the place.
The make-up slips?
Like she draws lipstick across her cheek?
Something like that, I don't know.
Oh dear, let's hear the answer.
Ulysses pops up from the backseat.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
I don't know why he didn't get that.
The Ulysses pops up from the backseat.
Everyone was talking about that back in 1980.
Have you ever been to the cinema, Jessica?
Ulysses pops up from the backseat.
Jessica's done nothing about film.
Maybe you'd better buy an easier game next Christmas then, Joe Cornish.
What, Jessica?
Jessica, thanks so much for calling.
That's a good thing, because we were... It is, we were silly.
Jessica, thanks so much for calling.
And one more reminder, Ulysses, pop that hood back there.
Everyone knows that.
Let's see if we can get someone who knows something about films.
Jason, are you there?
I'm here.
Okay, Jason, come on.
Are you going to do this?
Are you going to answer this question correctly?
Well, I was confident before, but I don't know about it now.
Jason, are you drunk?
I'll take that as a yes.
He's drunk, he's drunk on happiness.
Let's hear Jason's question.
Listen carefully, here comes your question.
You've got 72 hours.
In Making the Grade, Dice Gives Eddie 72 Hours to Repay Him.
What Happens Next?
Come on.
Making the Grade?
That's a classic!
Dice Gives Eddie 72 Hours to Repay Him.
What Happens Next?
Jason.
I have no idea.
Can I have a guess?
Dice, Eddie, 72 Hours, Making the Grade, screen test, commercially available, £21.99.
Have a guess, Jason.
What are my mates?
Anything.
New Year's Eve?
He's taken his own life.
Jason's died.
He's died on air.
That's incredible.
Let's give him his answer.
Are we the first radio show to take a life during a quiz?
Yeah, certainly, to have a life suicide.
Here's the answer.
Eddie starts a craps game with his dorm mates.
Well, why bother, eh?
We do have one more caller.
Jason, did you hear that answer?
Eddie starts a crack game, you lunatic.
I can't believe you didn't know that one.
Thanks so much for your call.
Now, have we got one more caller?
Yeah, one last question.
Neil, are you there?
Neil?
Hello, Neil.
Hello.
You alright?
I'm fine, thanks.
And do you think you're going to get this question right?
Good one.
OK, you're a fan of the film.
What's the next film?
Is it Youngblood?
I think it is.
Do you know the film Youngblood with Rob Lowe very, very well?
No, I don't.
Good, good man.
Here's a question about it.
You've got to learn to survive on the ice.
Dean's brother teaches him how to hit a punching bag, but who teaches him how to fight hockey style in Youngblood?
Mmm.
Very, very good film.
Very memorable.
I remember every detail of Youngblood.
That sounded like Tom Cruise at the beginning there.
Uh, I think it was... I don't know.
I don't know who's in Youngblood apart from Rob Lowe.
Neil, what's the answer to that one?
Who teaches him how to do the do or whatever?
Uh, Tom Cruise?
Just repeated the last words he heard spoken by a human.
Well, let's see if you're right.
Of course!
Fuck Mr. Blood.
Mr. Youngblood Sr.
Dr. Blood.
So, I should... People who've just tuned in, I should... Right, we haven't made these questions up.
These are questions from a commercially available game, ScreenTest.
It's a movie quiz, DVD quiz game.
It ruined my New Year's Eve.
And, you know, just don't buy it.
It's stupid.
How would they let it leave the factory?
How cynical do you have to be?
Well, listen, Neil, thanks very much for taking part.
Thanks very much indeed to Jason, Jessica and Adam.
Who should we give one of them the game?
Well, who did you like best out of them all?
I really liked them all very much.
I think Adam.
Because he's got your name?
Yeah, because I love, everyone called Adam because I love myself.
Okay.
Adam the first caller, you're going to get the screen test game and I advise you just to pop it straight in the bin.
Now Cormac is here, say hi Cormac, give us a kind of zoo style yo.
Yo!
Hey!
Cormac has saved our skins and we're gonna chat to him in just a second.
This is Adam and Jo on XFM.
That took me by surprise.
That's a challenge for DJs, that record.
That's Howl with What a Lovely Dance.
It's kind of a jazzy sound, a kind of a jazzy smooth sound that the Dublin quartet Howl are using there and I like it.
It's led by the brothers Dave and Paul Allen.
What's Dave Allen doing in a band?
Dunno, trying to restart his career I suppose.
Hello Cormac.
How are you doing?
Very well.
Which button is Cormac's mic on?
He needs to be beefed up a bit.
Speak now Cormac.
I speak now.
Hey Cormac, thank you on behalf of Adam and I and all the listeners to the Adam and Joe XFM show here on Saturday afternoon for saving Dizzy's in the dock this week.
It's a pleasure.
May I honour?
Tell us how you were listening to the show.
Were you listening to it on a mobile or on your car?
I was listening to it on my mobile phone.
I actually tried the other competition but I didn't get through.
Really?
So I happened to remember my phone and I thought, I'll call.
So modern.
Have you phoned in before to this program?
No.
Oh, that's good.
I thought you were what we call in the industry a prize pig.
Oh, no, Cormac's not one of those.
And you're out shopping, were you, today, Cormac?
Yeah, I am.
And what's your shopping circuit in London's racy West End?
I was gonna, that's quite boring, I was gonna go to Germans, Germans fleet and buy a suit.
Why are you buying a suit, man?
Are you going to court?
No, just cheaper at this time of year, you know?
Cormac's very fashionable.
Let me describe Cormac.
He's got a lovely beard and a sort of moustache.
He looks like one of the three musketeers if they'd had a sort of with a hangover.
Short hair, glasses.
He's got a corduroy jacket.
Beneath that he's wearing a black hooded top and a red t-shirt, which is very good.
It's a sort of hip-hop Will Young kind of look.
Joe Man, you could save a bit of time by saying he looks like a very young, good-looking Rolf Harris.
That's absolutely true.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Absolutely true.
And I think, I can see Cormac, something that happens to my jeans has happened to your jeans.
This is not a contemporary problem.
You buy these baggy jeans, they're a bit too low, you step on the hem at the bottom, and it becomes a sort of denim stirrup because it rips off.
That's very clap on them, I see that all the time.
Is it?
Because I've got these weird sort of denim stirrups because I've pulled the bottom hem off my jeans.
And then you cut that bit off, because it starts getting dangly, and then basically your jeans go to poo-poo.
Absolutely.
I'm turning up my jeans now.
I have to turn them up as well, so that doesn't happen.
But Cormac's gone for the whole frayed, bell-bottom sort of a look.
I thought it was adventurous, but I gave it a try.
Did you just cut those off, or was it the whole denim stirrup thing?
I cut them off, and then you cut them a bit, and then you pull.
So nice to have a young person in.
I love young people.
Do you know who Kenzie is?
look i didn't until did you not no thank i had no idea i think joe was the only person over 30 that knew who kensy was joe man who is he stop doing that now whoa that's the blazing squad he's a member of the blazing squad i didn't know
Kenzie and Crazy, they're the two most popular in the Blazing Squad.
Some say Crazy's bigger than Kenzie.
But Crazy's obviously decided not to do it.
Kenzie's decided to do it.
There's like 20 of them in the Blazing Squad, though, aren't there?
There's a lot, but you know, there's a lot of talent.
The more talent, the bigger the band.
That's a very good, very good maxim, Joe.
Are you into the Blade and Squad Cormac?
No, because he doesn't know who Kenzie is.
So listen, what now, Adam?
Did you watch Big Brother last night?
Yes, I did.
I'm fascinated with Cormac, though.
Did you watch Big Brother last night?
I thought it was a bit short on detail, actually.
I mean, I'm a bit bored.
I'm a bit bored.
I mean, there wasn't a lot happening.
It was only until sort of, it was the first night.
What do you mean, detail?
And it was dominated by John McCrory, and he's very dumb.
Well, that's wearing thin pretty fast, isn't it?
The whole Germaine Greer, John McCreery axis.
Well, Dermot O'Leary wasn't bored of it.
Did you see Big Brother's little brother?
He was already, like, I mean, he's a professional.
So his excitement levels were already absolutely at 15 out of 10.
Because he was sort of going, John McCreery, he's a legend in the making.
Who do you fancy in there?
In the Big Brother house?
Yeah.
I don't like any of them, man.
I quite fancy Kenzie.
Do you?
Well, he's the best looking.
Out of all of them.
Wow.
He's got tiny, tiny little nipples.
And he's like one of those child bodybuilders from Russia.
What are you talking about?
Well, because he's obviously worked out, but he's too young to work out, so he's got these weird little pecs, mini pecs.
I think maybe they're sold in toy shops.
You're looking at Kenzie much too closely.
I was bored and, you know, horny.
Hey, listen, we've got a bit of housekeeping to do.
Thanks very much to Cormac.
Now because of Cormac's generosity and the giving of his time, we are able to do Ditties in the Dock this week.
And this week it's a battle between 80s Bowie.
Bad 80s Bowie.
Well, bad.
That's, you know, subjective, isn't it?
Yeah, that's true.
So 80s Bowie.
It's an 80s Bowie off.
Obviously, Diddy's in the Dock, if you've not listened to the show before, is the item where Adam and I battle it out to play the final song of the show.
So let's do a quick battle and get on with this right now, and then we can chat a bit more to Kenzie.
Let's chat a bit more with his little nipples.
OK, so I'm going to start.
Are you happy with that, Adam?
Yeah, you go.
My choice for 80s Bowie is the theme tune to the film Labyrinth.
It is a track called Underground.
It's the only time where Parisian street accordion music has been fused with gospel music to create a whole new kind of pop that never took off for reasons that you understand when you hear the track.
Sing a little bit.
got to get me out of here underground that's not really singing that was just sort of underground speaking like a farmer it was the soundtrack to a great many very raunchy parties i remember one summer you me and ben walden that's correct we were very excited about labyrinth labyrinth obviously a terrific film in which david bowie plays the pixie king an anti-gravity pixie king with very thin legs and huge hair he sings various songs this is the best one uh that's all i have to say i mean i know everyone loves labyrinth i know everyone wants to hear underground um so you know
Thanks, man.
Vote for it.
It's rubbish.
It's brilliant.
Come on, get voting.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
We'll take five calls, and the rest are five for three.
And we should say that everybody who calls in and gets on the air wins an amazing CD, and we've got some good CDs to give away.
So call 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
We'll be right back.
That's Travis and Walking in the Sun.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Very shortly we'll be revealing the winner of Ditties in the Dock this week.
We've got Cormac here, who's our new friend, our new radio buddy.
He was running around in the West End when he heard the call from Adam and Joe.
We needed a copy of Absolute Beginners.
He went out and he bought us one.
God bless Cormac.
So the question is, are you going to vote for that track or are you going to vote for Underground by David Bowie?
What an incredible question.
Are we going to do that now, Adam?
We're not going to do it right now.
We're going to play another song because we've still got a little bit of time left, but I want to make an admission right now.
When we came into the studio this morning, our producer, Lila, very attractive, very intelligent, said, did either of you steal a copy of the Mighty Boosh CD from Brian's desk?
Now Brian, he used to be our producer.
He's actually in the building now.
I just saw him walk past.
I don't know if he's listening to the output.
But anyway, Brian, you might want to come to the studio.
I just want to say, Brian, that that might have been me.
I swear to God, I didn't know it was yours.
I didn't know it was earmarked for a competition winner.
I thought it was just in a big pre-Christmas prize bin.
This doesn't sound very convincing, does it?
No, it's actually your evil.
I'm an evil stealing thief.
And I saw it, I just thought, ooh, I want that.
I badly want that.
Can I tell you that it's the best thing I've ever listened to?
What is it, a Mighty Boosh CD?
They did a radio series before they did the TV series.
Ah.
And it is unbelievably funny.
But did you feel ashamed when you listened to it, because you'd stolen it?
I did, I did a little bit, but then I stopped feeling ashamed because I was so overjoyed.
It was so funny.
I'm just obsessed by it, and I recommend you go out and steal yourself a copy as well.
I'm really sorry Brian, and I'll bring it right back.
Is that going to work?
I doubt it.
We'll find out.
We'll come back to that one.
Oh, it's Diddy's in the Dark.
It's the big final this week.
It's an 80s Bowie playoff.
It's Underground, the theme from Labyrinth, versus Absolute Beginners, a CD that was brought to us hotfoot by devoted listener Cormac.
So if you don't actually vote for Absolute Beginners, it'll mean Cormac's completely wasted his time, which might not be a bad thing.
So here we go.
We've got five callers on the line, and callers, hopefully you're listening as you prepare to come on the show, you each get a CD, but you get a choice of CD.
It's all movie soundtracks.
You can have Grand Theft Parsons, Dead Man's Shoes, Hellboy, Saw, or one that isn't a film soundtrack, Love Legends, which frankly looks like a bit of a stinker unless you're a lady without much taste.
Anyway, so you get to choose from them.
Shall we do this then, Ad?
Yeah, absolutely.
We're ready to go.
Who's on line one?
We've got Jay.
Hello, Jay.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm Andy.
First of all, would you like to pick your CD out of those ones I just read out?
Saw one.
Saw.
That's an interesting choice.
Sort of metal on that one.
And what's your choice between underground and absolute beginners?
To be underground.
Good one, well done Jay, that's one nil to Cornish.
Cormac looking like he may have wasted his time.
Not yet, come on, who's on the second caller?
It's Adam.
Is it the same Adam we spoke to before?
No.
No, hello Adam.
Yes, hello.
I'm going to pay tribute to Cormac's effort and go with absolute beginnings.
Well done.
I absolutely love you, thanks very much Adam.
Hang on Adam, which CD do you want?
Hellboy, Dead Man's Shoes, Grand Theft Parsons or Love Legends?
I'd like Grand Parsons please.
Grand Parsons, you got it.
He thinks it's Grand Parsons.
It's the soundtrack to Grand Theft Pass.
Is there any Grand Parsons on the soundtrack?
I don't know.
Ah, I don't know.
Yes, there is his line.
Thank you very much.
So, that's one all now.
Oh, one all.
Okay, Jim.
Is it Jim or Tim?
Lila.
Jim.
Jim, hello Jim.
Jim, hello mate.
How you doing?
I'll keep it out for you, I think.
Does he pronounce it Gim?
Oh, Jim.
Sorry, I don't know why you pronounce it Gimly.
It's insane.
I'm sorry, Jim.
Jim, what are you voting for?
Is it going to be Absolute Beginners or Underground?
I'm going to have to go to Underground.
Oh, it's 2-1 to Cornish.
Do you know what you're talking about, Jim?
It's the ludicrous song.
They love the Parisian accordion.
Nostalgia excited.
Cormac's in here and he's looking quite angry.
I swear, the beginning of Underground is lovely.
OK, we need another vote for Absolute Beginners.
Hang on, Jim, which CD do you want?
Dead Man's Shoes, Hellboy, or Love Legends?
Good man's shoes, I'm thinking.
Good call, fantastic film, dead man's shoes.
Well done.
There we go.
We've got Verne now on line 4.
Hello Verne.
Hello there.
How are you doing?
Not bad, thanks.
This is unprecedented technical success with the lines we're having.
My fingers are on fire.
So what is your vote, Verne?
Is it going to be underground or actually beginners?
We're the absolute beginners.
Oh, it's too old!
What a ned!
It's exciting, isn't it, Cormac?
You've got to admit, it's genuinely exciting.
He's grinning from ear to ear.
I've never seen so many teeth.
It's like a packed graveyard.
What?
Finally, the deciding vote goes to Carl.
Hello, Carl.
What soundtrack is he going to get?
Oh, sorry.
Vern, you still there?
Yeah, I'm still here.
What do you want?
You've got Hellboy if you're a man, or Love Legends if you're a poof.
Well done.
No poofs in this show.
Although a couple present it.
Karl on line five.
Morning.
How you doing?
I'm fine, thank you.
Yourself?
Very well.
You're very chirpy.
Are you a chimney sweep?
Say that again?
Are you a chimney sweep?
No, I'm not.
Oh, well you should be, because you got the chirp.
I should be a window cleaner then, shouldn't I?
You should, yeah.
Imagine the dirty things you'd see.
So what are you going to vote for?
Absolute beginners or underground?
Oh, it has to be underground.
Oh, that's a win for Cornish!
Cornish didn't expect that.
Cornish, and that's a complete waste of time for Cormac.
Cormac, you absolutely wasted your time there.
You went out, you found us a copy of the Bowie.
Listen, you can go home with Bowie's Greatest Hits, the singles collection, and we'll refund you for it.
A crisp £20 note in your pocket.
How are you going to spend it?
A holiday, great.
Karl, are you still there?
Hello!
So, you win Love Legends, it's got tracks by... You're looking forward to it?
Yeah, it'll probably shrivel your maleness.
Well, I'll send it to my missus then.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Give it to her with some chocolates and a slap.
Thanks very much all of you for your calls.
Thanks so much for listening.
Most of all though, thanks.
Thank you to Cormac for wandering around.
What are you going to do with the rest of your day?
I think I've got a good drink in there, actually.
You know what I've got?
I've got Cormac tickets to a very long engagement premiere as well on Monday.
That's exciting, isn't it?
I'd very, very appreciate it.
Thanks.
You can meet Audrey Tattoo and maybe try and touch her.
Hey, I tell you what, mate.
Give us a call next week, tell us how it went.
We'll do.
So let's, you know, let's stay friends now that we've met.
Cool with me.
OK, good one.
Thanks a lot, Cormac.
Thanks everyone for listening.
We love you, bye!